The Practical Misanthope Gets Menstrual
In our supposedly enlightened society, women are programmed to feel shame about a process just as natural as nursing a baby or having to pee. If I had a penny for every advert in a teen magazine that sells menstrual products on the basis of discreetness and secrecy, I’d have enough money to quit my day job and write more Practical Misanthrope columns. Enough! Embrace your feminine uniqueness and royally freak out prudish people.
Preparation
Purchase a pack of tampons, a pack of menstrual pads, some transparent tape, a pack of magic markers, glitter, glue/paste, and anything else in the arts and crafts aisle/store that might strike your fancy.
Execution
Have an arts and crafts day involving menstrual products. Invite your favorite girlfriends, and indulge your inner four-year-old child. Make a tampon necklace or a pad bracelet. Have a competition to see who can make the neatest fairy princess wand out of the available materials. Endeavor to wear at least one of your creations out of the house for coffee or a brew.
Endeavor to use the word “sanitary” in an inappropriate way every day for the next week. Take back the language that has been claimed by the vaginal industry by bringing the word back into common usage through slang.
Write an essay or creative writing piece related to menstruation and post it to your blog/journal/web site. I’ve found that every woman has a funny story relating to their period that they’re just too ashamed to share. Reject the notion of polite company and years of societally-mandated shame, and bravely share.
Spend five minutes surfing Museum of Menstruation and Women’s Health. Read all about what previous generations of women did for their periods. Browse a few menstrual jokes. Ignorance of a subject only adds to fear/loathing of that subject.
Questions for Discussion
Why do school districts make the boys go outside and play baseball while girls get to stay inside, learn about menstruation, get free magazines, and sample Kotex?
In what ways is a period a celebration that you have managed for yet another month to not get pregnant?
Have you ever sacrificed doves upon completing your period? Can pigeons suffice in a pinch if you live in Venice or New York City?