The Worst Christmas Song Ever
There are a lot of bad Christmas songs because, honestly, there’s no shortage of shallow pop stars to illegitimately father the sad little bastards. Washed up? Put out a Christmas tune. Not enough mainstream appeal? Put out a whole Christmas album. Every holiday season, as I wander about in the same stores that I usually shop in, I find myself pondering which of the songs is the worst Christmas song ever, and this year, I’ve isolated it.
“Wonderful Christmastime” by Paul McCartney is the worst Christmas song ever. I’m not sure why it gets played at all because I don’t think anyone could look me in the face and honestly tell me that this song is actually good. It reminds me of those skinny eighties ties—too stark and lacking in any real depth. I’m absolutely convinced that everyone was sitting around in the studio trying desperately to write another song. Suddenly, Paul started hitting random chords on his synthesizer at one-second intervals, and someone yelled out, “That’s it! That’s golden! Can you write some trite and meaningless lyrics about Christmas to go with that?!”
The children sing their song.
Ding dong, ding dong,
Ding dong, ding ohhhhhhhh…
Ohhhhhhh…
I’m convinced that they play this song over the loudspeakers in Hell. This song is my nemesis.