Writing and Doing
Some weeks are writing weeks. Other weeks are doing weeks. These are artificial categorizations that exist only in my mind.
Writing ChangeLogs over the past several weeks has been an invigorating exercise. I almost always have had something to talk about. Some days I have had so much to talk about that I’ve written out the seeds for the next couple of days’ worth of ChangeLog entries. I find that writing more actually stimulates me to write more. This week, however, writing feels like I’m running uphill in the Florida humidity with nothing but red lights ahead of me. I don’t feel motivated to write about much of anything. I have notes to myself about interesting topics, yes, but I just don’t feel motivated to write about any of them today. So much so that I’m writing a ChangeLog entry about how I don’t feel like writing a ChangeLog entry. It’s meta-boring.
I’m knocking non-writing tasks off of my next actions list left and right though. Pick up wrapping paper to pack fragile things. Check. Call Tux’s vet to change his address. Check. Assemble notes on last week’s team meeting. Check. Read through Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban again. Check. Empty cat litter. Check. This behavior has been consistent this week. Tasks are getting knocked out. I’m not just finishing next actions. I’m even finishing projects.
Of course, a great deal of this is largely environmental. It’s hard to organize thoughts in a text editor when your surroundings are in utter disarray. I’m sure that there are highly organized people who are capable of packing up all of their belongings in boxes and transporting them to a new location without making their apartment look like it has just been burgled, but I’m not one of those highly organized people.
My diet has also been absolutely kicking my ass this week. Last night, for most of the evening, I felt as though I would burst into tears without any provocation at any moment. There is nothing really that’s upsetting me, and it wasn’t until it occurred to me how few calories I’m eating in a day that my reaction made the slightest bit of sense. For at least 50% of the day, I’m absolutely starving and not allowed to eat any more calories by my own reckoning and non-negotiable decision. While I’m resolute enough to enforce this with myself at all times, it nonetheless breaks down my emotional reserves. I get two bites that in no way resemble bedbug bites, and I’m nearly in tears. I watch a goal that Thierry Henry and Patrick Viera made off of a corner kick back in February, and I’m welling up at how “beautiful” it was. I stop to hug Allyson, and I’m suddenly burying my face on her shoulder and becoming emotional. I’m beginning to think that my body doesn’t like being starved. Go figure.
Speaking of my Diet…
Good progress for the week over all. My trendline/summary claims that I’m losing nearly a kilo per week. I’d like for it to be a bit higher, but I understand how such things fluctuate from week to week. So long as I’m losing a significant amount per week, I’m content. The chart looks something like this:
-0.95 kg/week with a daily calorie shortfall of 1216 kcal.
My clothes are fitting a lot better. My jeans are loose even after washing, and a lot of shirts that were previously tight are much more wearable now. According to my trend line, I’ve lost 10.7 kg (about 23.5 pounds for my imperial friends) since I started back on May 4.