Giving Myself Permission To Suck
The notion of giving myself permission to suck has been something of a mantra with regard to my art for the past couple of months. A life of constantly chasing safe subjects and safe methods left me with pencil skills that constantly weren’t as good as my dreams for projects happen to be. A sincere evaluation on my part revealed that, in order to improve areas I needed the most help with, I needed to work on some real fundamentals I had ignored. My initial forays were pretty much guaranteed to suck in comparison to even the lacking work I’ve previously produced. Recent results, however, please me greatly. Even when I’m not pleased with the results, I’m nonetheless pleased with my rate of progress.
Thinking more broadly, giving myself permission to suck has been at the core of a lot of my personality development over the years. As a firebrand of a teenager, I was never unclear about what exactly sucked. The Super Nintendo sucked. DC comics sucked. This proto-hipster extremism extended directly into more recent times when Starbucks, Microsoft, and anything popular sucked. By allowing myself to try things that suck, I’ve often been pleasantly surprised. The Xbox 360 is my evening and weekend friend. I hit Starbucks as often as my budget and schedule allow, and I’ve recently found that DC produces some quite decent comics. None of this knowledge came without some element of (at least perceived) personal risk. While these things seem small and consumer, they nonetheless prepare you for the big choices. Choosing to leave IT in order to become a secretary was a big decision. Admitting proudly that I want to produce my own comic books took a lot of courage. The small decisions prepare us for the life-changing ones.
Question the structures that you imprison yourself with. Ask yourself in each moment what you want to do. It doesn’t matter what Jesus, Henry Rollins, or Spider-Man would do. The choice and the responsibility for your future lies with yourself.
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