Things That I Want In Life
Really, my desires in life aren’t hard to quantify. Is it so wrong to want…?
- A fellow comic book geek to enjoy Comic Book Wednesday with. Allyson is always my co-conspirator, and she’s starting to dig a lot of the indie comics that don’t have super heroes in them. But sometimes I just want to gush about how much I love/hate/worship/detest Bendis/Ellis/Quesada/Cho/Dini because of the clear reference to Amazing Spider-Man #331/the sheer humor of killing Hawkeye twice/the fact that his penis is clearly larger than mine/the latest line-up of a random book I don’t even read.
- A place that serves vegan donuts. There are no vegan donuts in Gainesville. I hear that Seattle has vegan donuts. Tim Horton’s has vegan pastries that I could eat while smelling vegan donuts. Gainesville? Just the broken memories of how donuts used to taste.
- A drafting table that magically increases my ability to render images with pencil and ink. I have this wonderful fantasy about a little studio nook in my apartment that is so well-lit and ergonomic that illustrations just flow right from my pencil/pen/brush right onto bristol board with an artistic beauty that makes steak-eating rawhide cowboys cry like a scene out of Brokeback Mountain.
- A reason to use the line “Cilantro tastes like Tijuana whore.” If I had to vote right now, this would be the best sentence I have ever written. It has been faithfully sitting in my writing ideas text file for years. It’s hard to work a line that brilliant into much of anything. Other than a bitchy ChangeLog post apparently.
- My own personal Starbucks with a barrista named Jarvis. Sometimes I want a cup of delicious freshly-ground-and-brewed cup of coffee with soy milk and some sweetener. Now I’ve got a coffee pot in my house that allows this, but if Allyson doesn’t want to partake of the aromatic beans of caffeinated life, then a full pot is too much. Now you reasonable people are probably thinking that I could just make the pot and not drink it all. This is a lie. If I am not contained to my usual half-liter of coffee, then I will just drink and drink until it’s all gone. And the last time I drank a whole liter of my coffee, my hand shook so badly that I could hardly draw. I am not coffee responsible. Jarvis would take care of me.
- Weekly conference calls to Joe Quesada, Editor-in-Chief at Marvel. Basically, I want to be the Ted Haggard to his President Bush. Without all the crank and gay hookers.
- Streaming, per-episode HD television. I want to watch every episode of Good Eats and some Premiership/Champions League/Championship football. I don’t want to pay the cable company for all the ridiculous channels I never want to watch. Furthermore, I don’t want to watch any of it in standard definition. I want it all in 1080p, and I want someone to give me a new ridiculously large 1080p television to view it all on. Because, you know, my TV is 1080i/720p.
- My own personal tailor. I don’t like dressing myself. Given my short stature, pants are never the right length for me unless I either cut them off or suddenly find myself in a magical world where pants spontaneously hem themselves. I want clothes designed from the ground up to fit me. Furthermore, like everyone who shops at Hot Topic, I want to be unique with clothes that make a statement about me as a person. Can clothes be geeky, verbose, and anti-social?
- Vegan colorway yarn. I love Noro Kureyon. I love it. I totally want to have a three way with Allyson and that yarn. Would you believe that I can’t find any similar colorway yarns in cotton or bamboo? Because I’m still having trouble accepting that belief.
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