Pathophobia
So, I’ve spent most of the afternoon drinking Diet Coke. This is hardly unusual for me, and it’s really not the crux of my post but rather the subtle event that leads toward rising narrative action and an eventual literary climax. In any event, because biology works, all this beverage necessitated a trip to the restroom. Again, hardly newsworthy stuff here.
Upon arriving in the second floor bathroom, I discovered a scene of pure Lovecraftian horror. Someone, in an apparent fear of pestilence, had unleashed some sort of unholy bathroom ritual involving yards of toilet paper draped across the toilet set in a roughly circular fashion and a conspicuously unflushed toilet. I’m pretty sure they were trying to summon dark elder gods or some such. The horror took ten years off my life.
I’ve never understood people who live in this terrible, debilitating fear of catching diseases. This admission is not a request for attempted explanations for such behavior because, frankly, I’ve already thrown all those who worry about such things squarely into the “summarily worthless” bin. Nonetheless, I can’t help but ponder the strange dementia that leads to such behavior. I mean, if you’re that concerned about the horrible germs on the toilet seat, maybe using a public toilet just isn’t for you. If you’re too terrified to actually sit down on a toilet sit and then pull the lever to flush when you’re finished, either go home to poo or go buy some adult diapers.
The truly sad thing is that someone is going to have to clean up the results of this mental malfunction.
June 19th, 2008 at 17:45:14
You have described one of our work toilets to a T, dude.
And I don’t get it, either. First of all, can you really catch anything from a toilet seat? No. And even if you could, why do you have to waste half a roll of toilet paper? Why can’t you just, like, squat? And last, you are so ‘clean’ and hate germs ’so much’ that you then leave your unflushed crap to fester in a toilet for the next guy who has to go? How can people live with being that worthless?